literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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