Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
