accomplished twins. life is a go
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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