i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
