Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
