I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
