I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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