McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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