I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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