And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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