I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
