dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
