Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
