He is such a slut. More and more my type.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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