I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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