If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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