Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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