Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My life is pants optional.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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