dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
