i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
