I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
