If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
