it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
