do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
