pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm getting married
To pizza
My vagina is officially offended.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
