I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
