Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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