he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
