So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
