So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
