So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
