During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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