Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
