what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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