mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
