I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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