The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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