____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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