There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
