Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
