Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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