Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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