I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
