Pregnant stripper...not hot.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
