Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
