when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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