At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
