I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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