clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
