so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
