How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
