Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
